How Can I Ever Thank You Enough?

Hello my dear friends,

I'm sitting in front of my computer while dinner is sizzling on the stove.  The one surviving gold fish is swimming gracefully in the tank across from me, searching diligently for food.  My dachshund Zoe is also scouring the floor like a little vacuum cleaner, hoping and praying for something edible that fell to the floor.  For dogs, that means anything.  Nat is in the other room playing games on his phone.  He returns tomorrow to work in the City, commuting in on the BART train.  It is Sunday evening and I'm feeling a bit unsettled.  I am off tomorrow, with some personal business to tend to.  But, Tuesday is the beginning of another work week for me, when I will load up my Jeep and my computer, and head to beautiful Sonoma County.  We are both exhausted with our commutes, but I feel very  blessed as one who gets to work with the staff of Memorial Hospice, as a Chaplain.  It's hard work, but it is also work that I can feel good about when it is all said and done.  It is something that I feel called to do... to help people with their spiritual concerns at the end of their lives.  At least for now.

I recently met a woman and her son in their home after receiving a referral from one of our RNs.  After I described myself as being like a pastor, she asked me if I have my own church. I looked around the room, and at her and her son, and said, "This is my church."  I continued, "People like you can't get to a church right now, so I have come to you to help you through this time."  She smiled and was happy that hospice offered this service.  She is struggling to come to terms with her life, what it all means, her faith in God, and the doubts and concerns that she is grappling with as she approaches the end of her life.  It must be very, very difficult and scary to know you are dying.  But in some ways it is a gift because some amazing things happen along the way, such as the healing of one's spirit, reconciliation to God and estranged family members, and priceless memories and conversations with loved ones that take on such a deeper meaning when you know that time is limited.  And it is a GIFT that I get to spend time with this amazing woman and hear her life story.  I learn so much from my patients.  They are truly a gift to me.  

So beyond my work, what am I thankful for?  Well, I am thankful for today.  For my husband, son, brothers and sisters, friends, and colleagues.  Every day is a gift.  Life is a gift.  Each breath we breathe is a gift from God.  Thank you for all of you - every last person - that I meet and exchange a smile with, or a few words, a lunch, a work-day, an afternoon, or a life-time.  I  love you all... REALLY, I do! Thank-you!

Chaplain Nancy

Change

No one likes change. Pure and simple. Some of the simplest changes can throw a normally calm, cool, and collected person into a maniac. We all like things to stay the same. Go ahead, throw something completely unexpected into your schedule, and watch what happens. Like a sudden change in a doctor's appointment. Or, turning forty. Or let’s say, coming home and finding that your kitchen light is no longer working. How many times do we flip the switch until we give up and accept that we need a new one? So let's get a bit more invasive. How about a change in jobs? New people, new expectations, new tasks, and responsibilities. Or how about a change in health which requires a complete change in lifestyle for you? A new diet, medication, limited activity, hospitalization, or a terminal illness. We don't even want to go there. I pray you would find strength and comfort wherever you are in the process of what we call life.

So what is your change at this time in your life? How will you respond? Will you panic? Yes, maybe at first. Will you keep trying to make it work? Probably. Will you turn it over to God? Not right away. With change comes loss and grief and then a feeling of disconnect and drifting endlessly, feeling as if things will never settle. That takes time, my friend. So be gentle on yourself, and be gentle on others. Just know God is with you, and that you are loved. Open your heart and mind up to whatever God has for you right now. Yes, turn it over. Cry on God's shoulder. Cling to God's promises for you. And, never ever forget that you are loved very deeply by so many people—family, friends, and co-workers. You are important, needed, and loved.

Always remember that somehow, some way, and somewhere, you will find your bearings again. You will be stronger, more focused, and more compassionate. And with change, there is always a new beginning; and with that comes something to look forward to. But it all takes time. So don't give up! Keep pressing! Keep hoping! Keep believing!

I am praying for you!
Chaplain Nancy

 

 

I haven't blogged in quite some time.  So much has happened.  My brother Ed was airlifted from Crescent City with heart failure in October of last year, at California Pacific Medical Center in SF for a month, and living with me for the past 10 months.  He came very close to death.  He is doing so much better, but they are still saying he needs a heart transplant.  The cardiologist said his heart wasn't getting better unless there was a miracle of God.  So, I'm asking God for that miracle.  And your miracle?  I'm asking God for that too.  Hang in there, my friends.  You may not understand why, but there is one thing for sure, God will never leave or forsake you.  God loves you.  God sees you.  And God is still at work, even in the tough times.

Peace,
Chaplain Nancy

Dear God...

Praying has got to be one of the most difficult tasks to do.  What do you say to someone who has it all, knows it all, sees it all?  What is the point anyway?  And besides, God is too busy to hear our prayers.  Am I really that important to Him?

It took me years to get to the point where I was able to understand these questions more fully.  The reason we pray to a God who is greater than anything or anyone, is not to crawl up to the throne trembling, in order to ask for something.  It is because God loves us and wants to spend time with us.  God wants to have a relationship with us.  God's nature is such that He simply wants our attention, love, and friendship. 

We don't have to say a certain prayer, or be in a certain place, or say the prayer with a certain tone.  We just have to sit quietly before God, without any distractions, perhaps with a cup of hot coffee and open Bible in front of us.  We simply have to take the time to pray, even if we don't have much to say.  And maybe the time to listen to what God has to say to us. 

Let me challenge you today.  Take fifteen minutes alone with God this morning and talk to him, like you would anyone.  Tell him about your concerns and your frustrations.  Thank him for your gifts.  And, ask him to help others.  Sit quietly, letting your thoughts come and go, and perhaps writing down some things in the form of a letter, or as a prayer list.  Breathe deeply, listen to that still small voice, open your heart to God and let Him fill your thoughts and your deepest inner being completely.  Do that every day when you get up, before you do much of anything, and your days will go much more smoothly, you will feel more at peace, your capacity to love and be loved will grow and expand, and life will be more hopeful and joyous each and every day you honor this practice in your Spiritual life.

Then skip a day and tell me if you notice the difference...

Blessings,
Chaplain Nancy

Joy in the Morning?

It is May 5, 2011 and I am in the Adirondack mountains in upstate New York visiting family.  We are in Elizabethtown, which is a blip on the map, with a population of about eight hundred people.  I am at a desk, wrapped in a comforter with a cup of coffee and my Bible within reach.  It is quiet here.  All I can hear is the steady rush of water as it cascades down the hills through the property.  Every now and again a car rushes by, but otherwise the silence is strangely healing.  I needed this respite.  The silence is once again pierced by the distant sounds of my husband snoring in the other room.  I am happy he is able to rest so well as he works so hard for his family... for me.

I sense the nearness of the Spirit as I pause and close my eyes to soak in the silence, thankful for every breath I have.  The birds begin their song in the distance, happy that there is a break in the rainy weather.  I pause to go out on the balcony to watch, and I see two birds playing in mid-air.  But it is brisk and drizzling.  They sing anyway.  I retreat back into the house for my coat, scarf and hat... and my camera.  The view is breathtaking.  As I come back to the desk to write, there is a verse that I hear in my head... "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."  (Psalm 30:5, NKJ)

As of the date of this entry, my sister is in the middle of chemotherapy for breast cancer. We are praying for her healing.  We are hoping for a miracle.  It feels as if it is raining outside.  How could our family be hit with this?  But even in the midst of uncertainty and fear, I sense the nearness of God's Spirit coming alongside of us, to walk with us through this difficult time.  We are not alone -- we have a close family -- but I believe we are all surrounded by the Spirit who carries and comforts us.  "Where were you Lord?  At the darkest times in my life, I saw only one set of footprints."  He replies, "It was then that I carried you."  (Adapted from the poem, Footprints)

Like the Psalmist says, "weeping my endure for the night."  We are weeping, much like the rain that has dumped so much water in these mountains.  Weeping indeed, as the rain, we endure through times of darkness when we cannot see our way.  But the Son rises in our hearts to bring joy even in the midst of our tears; moments of laughter and serenity that break into our storms.  It is then that we can know that He is carrying us.  We can trust that we are not alone.  But we must allow ourselves to weep at times... there is healing in tears.  Then we can know a peace and strength that transcends our times of uncertainty and fear. 

God is carrying us through.  You are not alone.  We are not alone.  Some how, some way, even in the rain, a song will emerge.  A song will pierce the storms.  A rushing stream will gush forth, even when we don't understand and are in the middle of a relentless trial.  God is there.  God is working.  God has not forgotten you.  He will see you through.

Remember these words that have comforted me in times of difficulty - "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18 - NRS).

Grace and Peace,
Nancy

Gifts for Today

As I sit here this morning, preparing for the day, I hear the sounds of morning.  A bird is outside of my kitchen, singing beautifully.  It touches me deeply.  I also hear my old refrigerator.  It sounds as if there is a hamster running on a treadmill inside to keep it going.  We bought it when we purchased our first home eleven years ago - for a measly fifty bucks.  Over the years, it has continued to chug along.  It died one day and we moved things to the freezer, because the freezer was as cold as the refrigerator should have been.  It miraculously began working again, and we could move things back to the refrigerator compartment.  It is still as noisy, but it continues to chug along to this day.

I also hear my dachshund Zoe growling at something outside that she is dying to go hunting for.  I have her doggy door blocked off, because earlier she jetted out the door barking loudly at some creature that was hidden in the bushes. I didn't want her to awaken the neighbors.

All of these sounds try to cover up the bird that continues to sing, to usher in the morning, hoping for an exciting new day.  We, too, have been blessed with a new day.  As I sit here this morning with a cup of coffee, I am thankful for all that I have - for this moment; for the gift of life, and love, and hope, and faith.

God, help us to hear the sound of a new song; a new day that calls us to be present, and to see the beauty that is hidden by the noise around us. This new day continues to call us to a place of serenity, and to a place of joy.  May we all be blessed with this awareness each day.

I listen once again, and I look over to see my sweet dog poised, with her ears perked.  She lets out a muffled bark at the birds outside.  She is keenly attuned, ready and excited about the new day and the adventures that lie ahead.  She wants mommy to open the doggy door once again, so she can go out to explore the wonders of the new day ahead. 

May we enter our days with the same enthusiasm and anticipation, constantly alert and listening for the beauty that is there.  Listening for that place of serenity, the place of peace, and that place of joy and love that is inherent in each day.  Even in the midst of our frustrations and sorrows, may we find a secret place of rest, where we can be renewed with strength for the days ahead.  May you be blessed with all of this.  Remember, God is truly present with you; ready, willing, and able to hear your prayers and concerns.  Reach out to him today.  You won't regret it. 

Grace and Peace,
Chaplain Nancy

April 12, 2011
 

On the Wings of the Wind

Last Thursday afternoon, I decided to drive out to the Petaluma marina and finish up some work I had to do before the end of the day. I parked my car so it faced the marina, which was full of sailboats that were docked. The wind was whipping through that little cove ready to fill the masts of the boats that were parked along the docks. But their sails were lowered and they weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Up high in the air and beyond the cove was Highway 101, as it crossed over the Petaluma river.  The bridge framed the marina beautifully. I could see the cars creeping along toward Santa Rosa at the height of rush hour. They were probably oblivious to the marina down below, having passed it everyday as they traveled home.

A few people came and went to the marina behind the a luxurious hotel.  I never did I see a boat leave the dock. It felt nearly deserted, but a few people walked by, perhaps to work on their boats, to walk their dog, or to sightsee.  Then they disappeared again.  There was something peaceful, however, about watching those boats just sitting there alone. I could feel the wind shake my car and the trees as I watched the marina . Yet all those boats were safely mored; safe in the harbor, and safe from the storms.

There have been times in my life where the wind was raging, the sea was choppy, the world was busy creeping by, yet I was safe in the midst of it.  My faith anchored me to a source of strength where I was protected and sustained from life's storms each and everyday. I am thankful for that.  But there have been times in my life where I have been in terrible storms that I thought would never end.  I felt that God was not answering my prayers, and it seemed as if things would never be the same.

Soon it was time to leave that beauful little Marina. I was jolted back to reality when I went to turn on the ignition, and my car wouldn't start. In denial, I tried over and over again to get it started, but it was dead.  Life is just like that sometimes. We find peaceful little pockets of serenity and inspiration, but then we are jolted back into reality.  Perhaps it is so we can practice what it really means to be serene in the midst of our little storms. And, thank God for a big strong angel (my brother) who came with a set of jumper cables to get me on my way!

We have much to be thankful for today -- for the gift of life, the gift of friends, the gift of family, and the gift of faith. As we do our work and we muddle our way through little inconveniences, we are constantly reminded of how precious life really is.  Especially when we meet people whose storms make our whisps of wind look so small in comparison. 

However small or large your storm is, Jesus may seem like he doesn't hear your prayers.  He is asleep in the back of your boat.  But in reality he is waiting for you to cry to out to him.  "Lord, don't you care that I am perishing?"  As he sleeps in the back of the boat, tossed and overcome with the water and waves, he wakes up and cries, "Peace, be still!"  There is perfect calm immediately.  And then he says, "Why are you afraid?  Are you still without faith?" (Mark4:35-41)

May we all find the strenght to cry out to Jesus in times of difficulty, assured that he is waiting to hear our prayers, and ready to stand up and calm the storms in our lives.  He is there for you.  He DOES care.  He hasn't forgotten. Jesus will give you peace in the midst of your storm.

Amen.